Generally speaking, babies will learn to self-soothe on their own anytime between 3-8 months. It highly depends on the baby as some are natural self-soothers while others need a little bit of encouragement. No matter if you sleep with your baby or have them sleep in a crib, self-soothing is an important skill for the baby as it helps them learn to fall back asleep if they awake in the night and promotes healthy sleep habits for the future.

Not all babies are the same. Some babies are self-soothers naturally while others are not. Do not expect too much self-soothing in the first few months as self-soothing is adapted sometime between 3-8 months and forcing it will only make you and the baby unhappy.

In the first few stages of self-soothing, it is best to wean the baby into it. For an example, you may be rocking, holding, or feeding them till they fall into a deep sleep before putting them down. When they are in this deep sleep, the baby is lying still even when you move and is breathing slowly.

Moving forward at bed time or naptime, you can decrease the time you spend rocking, holding or feeding by a minute or two each night or nap time to slowly wean them into a stage where you can safely put them down without them fussing. This may take a few weeks or only a few days but patience is important because if you try to decrease the time too quickly, the baby will only become distressed.

A bedtime routine is important so the baby begins to recognise signs that it is time to sleep. This is a great time to enjoy downtime with the baby and bond together. A few suggestions are to dim lights and turn off all loud distracting noises such as the TV or phone

• Right after a relaxing bath, skin to skin time with mom or a good feeding
• Mommy – this may mean you remaining close till the baby falls asleep such as sitting/lying nearby. Remember, baby was inside you for 9 months so not being around you or attached to you at all times can be overwhelming.
• A dim night light – some babies find this reassuring that mom is close
• Music via stereo or mobile devices – as long as these are safely attached, many babies find music soothing and reassuring. It helps them realize they are not alone, especially if it is a tune that reminds them of mom or dad. Using the same tune for bedtime can also help them fall back asleep if they hear the tune in the middle of the night.
• Pacifiers work with some babies as they feel like a nipple and this is soothing to the baby. However, be wary of the baby becoming dependant on the pacifier.

Keep in mind that these are suggestions and will not work for all babies or family sleep arrangements. You will find what works best for your baby. If you find that your baby is not self-soothing within a few weeks of trying these, you may want to stop and try again in a few weeks.

Some people recommend a method commonly known as “crying it out” and the “Ferber Method”. Here is more information on it.

The Ferber method has caused a storm of controversy among mothers and care providers. Some consider it neglect while others consider it a necessary step in teaching the baby to sleep independently. There are studies that support both sides, but in the end no method works for every baby so we recommend parents do what works best for their unique baby.

The Ferber method is based on the notion that babies need to learn to self-sooth in order to sleep independently without waking and to be able to sleep through the night. This method is not to be implemented “cold-turkey” or before the age of 4-6 month as the baby does not have the maturity for this method until that age.

To start this method, parents must put baby to bed while they are awake even if the baby is crying. According to Dr. Ferber this crying is not harmful.

Initially, the baby will most likely be crying and continue to do so. However, parents are encouraged to use a progressive waiting routine to go in and check on baby regularly. Over the weeks the parents implement the method, they progressively leave the baby alone for longer periods of time.

For an example: For the first night you would go in and check after 3 minutes the first time, 5 minutes the second time and then 10 minutes. The second night you start with 5 minutes, then 10 minutes and then 12 minutes from then on. When you check on the baby, it's meant to be reassuring where you can pat or speak to the baby without feeding or picking the baby up.

Some baby's will vomit when crying, Dr. Ferber suggests to clean up without much extra attention, and continue with the routine.

You would use this technique for nap times and whenever the baby wakes in the night. Eventually, the baby will be able to sleep though the entire night..

Allowing the baby to cry it out is not recommended when:

• The baby is less than 6 months old
• The baby is sick such as teething, flu or cold
• You know your baby is hungry or afraid or suffers from separation anxiety disorder
• You as a parent, are suffering from separation anxiety disorder, depression, or do not believe the crying will stop
  

At thebirthingsite, we present the information that parents want and some parents do believe in the Ferber method and some do not. We simply want parents to make the best decisions that work best for their baby and their family.

Co-sleeping is a common practice in non-Western cultures but is growing in popularity as it promotes breastfeeding, bonding and is safer than crib/cot sleeping when practiced correctly. Some parents continue co-sleeping with their children into toddlerhood and young childhood. Co-sleep is a sleeping practice where parents have the infant sleep with them rather than in a separate bed or crib.

Co-sleeping has received a bad reputation in the Western world due to poor practices that have resulted in infants being smothered by bedding or crushed by parents. However, when done properly, co-sleeping  can have many benefits. Here are a few facts to consider when co-sleeping with your baby:

1. WIll I crush or smother my baby?

It is impossible to claim that there is ZERO chance of an adult crushing or smothering a baby while sleeping as there is no infant sleep environment is 100% risk free. In the worldwide ethnographic record, mothers accidentally suffocating their babies during the night are virtually unheard of, except among western industrialized nations. However, in western culture, there are an overwhelming number of infant death cases.

Many studies suggest that mothers and infants are designed to respond to the presence of each other throughout the night. Having said that, with safe practices, you will not smother your baby while co-sleeping.

2. How can I safely sleep with my baby?

• Adults should not have consumed alcohol, drugs, or any narcotics while co-sleeping
• It is not recommended to cosleep on couches, sitting chairs or water beds
• The bed and mattress should be firm and should fit tightly against the headboard/footboard so that an infant cannot fall between cracks
• Avoid using duvets and lots of pillows
• Lightly wrap the baby rather than using heavy clothing, as contact with other bodies increases the baby’s temperature
• The baby should not be placed on a pillow or have their head covered by blankets
• It is not recommended to sleep with other children in the bed or allow toddlers to sleep alone, as children are not always aware when sleeping with other people

3.  Can I sleep with my baby and my spouse in the same bed?

Yes you can. Ensure both adults are in agreement of the sleeping arrangement and never assume that the adult is aware of the baby in the bed. One suggestion is to make both parents agree to be responsible for the baby, not one, so both are accountable for the baby and its positioning.

4. What are the benefits of cosleeping?

• Ease of breastfeeding: One study found that bed sharing infants breastfeed about twice as often as regular solitary sleepers, with the total duration of nightly nursing episodes amounting to almost three times of what is observed in lone sleep conditions (see p. 124 of Natural Parenting – Back to Basics in Infant Care – by Regine A. Schön and Maarit Silvén in the Evolutionary Psychology journal)
• Better sleep for mom and baby: Co-sleeping means more sleep and generally less anxiety about sleep compared to mothers whose babies sleep in another room who need to get out of bed to respond to their baby. This causes the mother to wake up more fully and makes it more difficult for her to fall back asleep. Also, she is less able to rest while tending to her baby than a mother who is in bed with her baby. This is backed up by research by M.D. Gordon and S.L. Hill in 2008 that found co-sleeping families were less likely to believe their infant’s sleep was problematic than non-co-sleeping families
• Mothers can react to baby: Co-sleeping mothers are more in tune with their baby’s sleep and can take action to keep their baby comfortable and safe during the night. Parents that have a baby in a separate room and use a baby monitor will hear their baby cry, but may not hear more subtle signs that their baby is uncomfortable. Missing those subtle cues can mean that the baby needs to wake more fully in order to alert the parents, which can result in more effort and time required to resettle the baby
• Bed bonding results in more independent children: (reported on p.141 of Natural Parenting – Back to Basics in Infant Care) found that “routinely sharing the parents’ bed in infancy has been associated with greater self-reliance and social independence at preschool age than a history of solitary sleeping (Keller, M. A., and Goldberg, 2004).” Other studies have also consistently reported higher self-esteem among children and adults that co-slept during childhood
• Allows working parents to connect with their child

4. What are the risks of co-sleeping?

• Smothering/suffocating a baby is the biggest risk of co-sleeping when not done properly
• Crushing the baby
• The baby falling off the bed or between bed cracks

5. Until how old can I co-sleep with my baby?

You can co-sleep with your baby as long as works for your family. It has been proven that  the longer you co-sleep with your baby, the more independent and well-adjusted they will be later in life.

6. Can a baby die of SIDS while cosleeping?

There is always a chance of a baby dying of SIDS when sleeping, as it occurs when babies sleep alone in an emptied crib and in a bed with other people. However, the odds are signifigantly reduced when co-sleeping properly.

Additional Reading and Sources:

http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/01/09/cosleeping-benefits/

http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/advantages.html