Thursday, December 30, 2010

We have been on Holiday vacation on the Twin Cities, MN and the Northern Woods of Wisconsin. We will be returning to Nashville on the 2nd of Jan. While we have been here, we were able to visit Michael at the cemetery and look at his plot marker. We buried him with his grandfather, who we named our son, Michael, after in hopes that the name would live on. Now we are sadly reminded of how they both are gone and buried together when we hear or even see that name. It was a bittersweet visit.

I think I cried the hardest I have cried since I held his lifeless little body in my arms the day we got to meet him for the first time. It was excruciating to be in that cemetery and I cried, I cried loudly and my body was physically shaking. We held each other and cried together, M and I. After about 20 minutes I was terribly exhausted and couldn't cry any longer. It was the strangest yet sweetest feeling of peace that just washed over me and M. We both felt it at the same time and said, "Did you feel that?" In sync our hearts are!

 I'm not sure how else to explain it, but we had a small glimmer of what it felt like to have our family united, together in one place. I have since felt much more closer to my son. He has touched my heart, down to the core of my soul. I love you and miss you every day, baby boy!

 "The consolation of losing a child is that you have less fear of death for yourself." - Elizabeth Edwards

Read the Next Blog Post: Desperation Sets In

Read my birthing story: The Story of Michael's Life

Read more from Leanne on her blog: Longing, Living, Loving